The Feminist Praxis and My Life

Before taking this class, I was completely oblivious to the world of feminism and how it had an impact on my life. The only easy way to go about this is to take it step by step and say how it is in my life.

The construction of gender and my life:
I didn't really think that the construction of gender was a part of my life, but it is. From the time I was young, there were certain things that were expected of me since I was a girl, I was supposed to dress cute, and feminine, I was supposed to be a certain size, and if I wasn't I was ridiculed. Those are just a few things that revolve around the idea of what a "girl" should be like. I feel like if we raised our children without these ideas of what men and women act like, the world would be a better place.

Privilege and Oppression:
I never considered myself to be privileged or oppressed really, but I do in fact experience both of those things. I am privileged because I was born a Caucasian person, however I experience oppression because I am a child of divorce, and we are not a particularly rich family. Again, those are only a few ways in which privilege and oppression play a role in my life.

Both of these things show intersectionality in my life,  because they both intersect in my life and make me who I am.

Feminist Praxis

With the gender norms that society has created, it becomes clear what is expected from men and women.  Especially in the work place where more men are expected to be in more stressful and higher paying positions.  People expect more out of men because of the dominance that masculinity that society expects from them. 

In my own experience with this, I remember a time with one of my past jobs, where people expected less of me just because of my gender. There was this one time where a man walked up to me and the first thing he said to me was "Can I speak to a manager?", without even saying "Hi" and smiling at me.  This was obviously a reaction to the fact that I'm female.  And once the manager came over, I heard the man ask the question and I knew the answer. It's frustrating because I know I could have helped that man a lot faster than waiting for a manager to come over to help him.  Just because of my gender, he thought that I couldn't answer his question. 

I would also get men who wouldn't let me help them or answer their questions because I was considered attractive to them.  One man even said to me "You work here?  You're too pretty to be working here."  It's pretty insulting because then where am I suppose to work?  Just because I was seen in that way doesn't mean I shouldn't be working at a certain place.  Women are often times not given enough credit just because of their looks and gender. 

Expectations of women in the workforce are made very clear by these experiences.  People just assume we should be working in a salon or babysitting kids instead of working a "mans job".  Yes, there are times when having a man would work better than a woman, but that can be reversed as well. 

I feel like I engage in everyday activism because I believe that girls can do anything that guys can do.  There are no limitations unless you tell yourself you can't do it.  Women are out there fighting for our country, running successful businesses, and challenging the standard norms everyday.  It's interesting how we can have such strong and independent women out there doing things that most men don't have the guts to do, but yet we are seen as less than a man.

I engage in "everyday activism" by challenging what people think of me and how they view me.  Because of those experiences, I went out and found a more demanding job that'll better my chances for success in the future.  I also speak up when a woman is being treated different just because she is a woman.  Never in my life have I been afraid to speak my mind and tell people that whatever guys can do girls can do too. 

Feminist Praxis and Gender Dynamics

Society created socially constructed roles defining what it means to be a man, and to be a woman. In every household, in every country, in every culture, there are gender dynamics set in place. This idea affects us all directly, because the roles we assign as men and women are a learned behavior. According to Christie and Holly in the Threshold Concepts in Women’s and Gender Studies “Intersectionality is a theoretical framework that posits that multiple social categories (e.g., race, ethnicity, gender, sexual orientation, social-economic status) intersect at the micro level of individual experience to reflect multiple interlocking systems of privilege and oppression at the macro social-structural level (e.g., racism, sexism, heterosexism, compulsory heterosexuality, heteronormativity, ableism)” (p. 114-115). With that being stated, it is unavoidable to face the conflict of oppression and privilege, to see ways the gender dynamics are placed in our day to day lives.

Gender dynamics in MY life…

                I would like to say that my partner and I share equal time working, doing chores around the house, and always see eye to eye. Laughing to myself, I recall a time we argued over his lack of chores around the house. “You think your fuckin superwomen” he said. “I am” I replied. Working, going to school, getting daughter up, dropping her off, picking her up, putting her to sleep, cleaning the whole house, taking dog out, etc.… His poor excuse for doing no laundry, dishes, floors, or anything else in the house was that he works. UGH! Why is it I must work AND do it ALL too? Going forward, he compares his physical labor in factory work to my JUST being a server/bartender at the time. It all boiled down to his expectations of me as a woman, my role in the relationship, in my work life, and in society as a whole.

Expectations of me as a woman are often made clear in my relationship. Parenting can be troublesome as well. There are times when I scold and discipline our daughter, or not give her what she wants. Well, let’s just say daddy is much more lenient, she could have ice cream for breakfast if she wants, you know what I mean? Great, now I’m the bad guy! I’m often setting the rules, and caring for the house, while he works, comes home, eats, and sleeps. The times daddy scolds her, she actually listens! I don’t understand the dynamics of that, but mommy isn’t taken seriously in the matter of discipline.

When considering my engagement in everyday activism I think of the many times I have spoken about never settling for less. Encouraging words to women who have suffered abuse, who have been wrongfully mistreated for reasons concerning their identities, and faced many other ways concerning privilege and oppression. I have never been a bystander in a case where there is misjudgment and mistreatment. Twice I have called out for an abuser to leave a women alone at a party and gotten my lip busted by a man one time, choked with a mans hands around my neck the other. I’ve seen an abuser raise his hands to my mother who was so drunk she couldn’t move, or defend herself, taken a knife to the man and demanded that he leave. I will always fight for rights, and the safety of women. Some might say I should reconsider the circumstances and my reactions, I say, it’s not happening in front of me, not while I’m around. I think I need to learn the techniques of the bystander intervention because its meant to teach men and women how to intervene without confrontation or danger. These techniques could be a very useful tool as a program offered to high-school and/or college students because many of us are affected by these situations first hand, or at least know someone who is. 

Feminist Praxis

Let's get real. I'm a Hmong-American girl living in the United States of 2017 but culturally stuck back in Laos where forced marriage is still practiced and highly recommended. I say this because even though I live across the Atlantic Ocean and in another continent, many Hmong refugees that migrated to the United States still practice strong traditions that will live forever throughout generations and generations. And because of this, I always see the social construction of gender and privilege and oppression play a big role in our culture.

But don't get me wrong, I love our traditions. Big blow out weddings that last over the course of a three day period, dinner parties called "blessings" for any occasion... Anyways, getting back to my point, I love our traditions.. However just not ALL of them...

Ever since I could remember, the first Hmong wedding  I went to, the bride was 14, pregnant, marrying a 30 year old man, and forced to live happily ever after... Now, don't over react, this is just a very extreme example I'm using, trust me, this doesn't happen on the daily (.. In the United states anyways...). Most couples of my race are extremely happy and married with kids and so on so don't worry, we aren't that extreme.

In that scenario I mentioned above ^^^ there were so many other options that 14 year old could've chosen but because of her family's strong traditions, marriage was and always will be the only option. First off, she's pregnant: automatic forced marriage. The idea that she even had sex: forced marriage. And lastly, if he has money: there you go, another forced marriage. Now in this situation, she's a girl, so oppression plays a big role in this.

Oppression--defined as "prejudice and discrimination directed toward a group and perpetuated by the ideologies and practices of multiple social institutions". Now in our culture, woman are usually always the ones to be oppressed. They hold a reputation that if in any way acts against the ideologies of what is right and proper, they're targeted and discriminated. In the book TC, "controlling images (stereotypes) are dominant culture ideologies about subordinate groups that serve to restrict their options to constrain them" (80). So what I think this means is, that these "ideologies" that woman are suppose to uphold are so powerful that they control and restrict what a woman can or cannot do.

This is 100% accurate and sadly, I see it all the time with my married friends and family. A woman must ask for permission for anything (to go out, what job to take, what friends to hang out with etc.). They're given a price ($10,000 if she's absolutely perfect-$2,000 if she's either divorced, tainted, or not worth what they believe is the high price). Now you may ask where I'm getting these numbers from but that a whole other story. Moving on, as you can tell, the gender dynamics are not so equal as you may think.. And that's just some of it.

Wrapping up, what I will consider doing to engage in "every day activism" is to inform girls in the Hmong community about other options that they have besides marriage. That it's okay to be independent, strong, and powerful and go against traditions sometimes. It's okay to be single, have a child out of wedlock, and self support themselves without a man. I think that's why a lot of these traditions are still being practiced, because girls are not informed about their options.. and this leads to abuse, loveless marriages, and divorce.

Feminist Praxis and how to Practice

Looking carefully at my life, I see a lot more gendered qualities than I would have previously thought there were in my life. Not that the ones that I have are bad, just knowing that they are there is enough to make me question why. I see my family as pretty a-typical when it comes to being strict about certain ‘rules’ about gender and such, which is why I was so surprised to find my life is gendered. I own a lot of “girly” clothes, and I guess and equal amount of “masculine” clothes as well. Though I generally stick to t-shirts and jeans, I have some clothes that are more flattering to women, as well as some that are made for men. And although I have these clothes, I still act like well… me to people I know. I say this because I don’t think I have inherently female or male qualities about me when I interact with people in my life, I just try to see people as people no matter what. Maybe this is just my bias, but I see traits of both sides in action when I talk to other people. I act more “female” when I talk to people I don’t know, maybe partly because that is what I know they see, or because I am uncomfortable with new people. For example: when meeting someone new, I tend to be shy, reserved, quiet, and demure. As a contrast when I meet up with my family or friends I am a loud, rowdy, and kind of brash person, which not many people see. When I am with people who I know well enough I feel comfortable letting my “unsightly” personality traits have free reign unlike when I am meeting strangers who I am giving a first impression to. This ties in a lot to do with the social construction of gender, and how people influence their children in certain ways to “act like a girl” or “be quiet like girls should be”. These are things that I wasn’t used to hearing as a child, and only when I got to school did I hear more “gendered talk”. This being raised as who I wanted, and that I could accomplish anything I put my mind too was the mentality that I still enjoy today, and is a big part of my personality.  I feel that I should be more aware of the intersectionality that I and other people face, and understand the privilege and oppression and what it means to them as a person. I try to be aware that other people have challenges that I don’t face, and try to understand them as best I can which can be a challenge for me sometimes because I feel sad that other people are being pushed down when they deserve so much more.  I don’t want to sound depressing, though I think that last part is getting there. Now the question we have to ask ourselves what we can do to change these problems by “everyday activism”. I would say, start with your family, and explain why you believe in theories like intersectionality and help them understand what it is and why it is important. Regardless if your family is with or against you, the best policy is to not force the issue. Tie a feminist theory into some of your classwork for a different class. Start a public blog about feminism. Or even make a t-shirt with a slogan about feminism and wear it. The possibilities are endless when it comes to spreading the news about feminist theories and why they are important to understand. Be conscious of what’s out there, and try your best to help other people understand.

Feminist Praxis

One way I see myself engaging in everyday activism is when I am teaching dance class and the girls are worried what other might think about what they wear for the recital. Some are worried that they will be called a slut or a whore because of what they are wearing. And to be honest with you I would never let the girls out on stage like that, but they have different feelings on how clothes look/ seem to look, than  I do. I just tell them that they aren't a slut or a whore for wearing this outfit that makes them look good, they are wearing something for themselves not for other people.  In TC on pg. 157, they talk about Jessica Valenti's  book, Full frontal feminism: A young Woman's Guide to Why Feminism Matters, and basically says that she tells these girls to stand up for themselves and challenge what society set for them. For example, she says about beauty, " if you wanna wear makeup wear it! if not don't, either way you are beautiful". And that is something that I was trying to get across to my dance students. These outfits don't make you slutty- they show a more beautiful side. I have changed the outfit to make everyone comfortable because I don't want them thinking that they are looking slutty on stage.

This is something that still affects me because of my mom, but was a huge deal in high school, middle school etc. On page, 174 in TC it states, " Bodies:  a key focus of feminist activism has been the idea that women have the right to control their own bodies". I know this is talking about rape, sexual assault and street harassment. But I think that the dress code has some play in this too. It isn't said in school, but we hear it all over that, the reason us girls have to cover up is because this body part or that body part is distracting to other students- they usually say male students too. They just reinforce that boys can do whatever and girls are just a little bit lower than them. and what I mean by that is yes, there is a dress code for boys in high school, but a girl is more likely to get talked to about dress code than a boy is. A girls is going to be asked to go home and change rather than a boy. They say it's because " boys can be boys" So, it's okay for boys to do whatever they want and girls have to follow the rules- and if boys do break the rules then it's not a big deal. That's not how this works. I have seen tons of girls posting lately that they want to see a change in the dress code. Not all women are alike -like some like to think- we are all different. Different sizes, heights, weights, weight in certain areas more than others. The dress code needs to made for everyone ( all girls equal) so everyone can wear shorts when it's hot. Boys need to learn that just because what they see on tv, movies, and music videos ( girls half naked and some being taken advantage of ) doesn't mean you can do that in real life. Boys need to be taught that they have rules to follow like respect a girl don't treat her like a piece of ass. And girls need to be taught that they aren't a whore for wearing this shirt or wearing those pants or wearing this makeup- they need to be taught how to look at themselves in a positive light.

Feminist Praxis

“…an event or phenomenon that raises awareness and/or creates change on issues of patriarchy, gender systems, the intersectionality of identities and oppressions, and/or the overall structural inequalities experienced by women” (157).

On a daily basis, we see that men are more privileged than women. We also see that intersectionality comes into play. The social construction of gender too is also occurring on an everyday basis. At my workplace which is a nursing home, the CEO is a man. We talked about how most CEOs are men in class. Most of the people working CNA, dietary, receptionist, and etc. are women. This is a part of women’s’ identity where they are seen as caring. Even for women, some are more privileged than others. Those who have a higher education than a high school degree will most likely get the higher paying jobs. It is understandable since they probably have gone to school for it. These types of jobs are more women dominated. There are some men who are CNAs, med techs, etc. but men are usually working the janitorial or environmental jobs. Throughout my education career, most janitors have been men and there has only been one time where there was a woman working janitorial. At home when doing chores, the boys gets very little to none which most of the time is taking out the trash whereas the girls will do most of them. My baby brother likes to play with makeup and nail polish and my parents disapprove of this, they worry that it would affect his sexual identity. I disagree with them so I do let him play with makeup/nail polish to an extent since it can get quite messy. I find that the older generations are opposed of things such as this when it comes to boys. For the social construction of gender chapter, people were okay with the fact that girls can be tomboys. On social media, we see “everyday activism” which is acts that occur daily that “may reject or challenge oppressive practices” (157). There are people who bash on other girls and those who supports girls. Celebrities are also using their voices to garner awareness on certain things or voicing their opinions.