Let's get real. I'm a Hmong-American girl living in the United States of 2017 but culturally stuck back in Laos where forced marriage is still practiced and highly recommended. I say this because even though I live across the Atlantic Ocean and in another continent, many Hmong refugees that migrated to the United States still practice strong traditions that will live forever throughout generations and generations. And because of this, I always see the social construction of gender and privilege and oppression play a big role in our culture.
But don't get me wrong, I love our traditions. Big blow out weddings that last over the course of a three day period, dinner parties called "blessings" for any occasion... Anyways, getting back to my point, I love our traditions.. However just not ALL of them...
Ever since I could remember, the first Hmong wedding I went to, the bride was 14, pregnant, marrying a 30 year old man, and forced to live happily ever after... Now, don't over react, this is just a very extreme example I'm using, trust me, this doesn't happen on the daily (.. In the United states anyways...). Most couples of my race are extremely happy and married with kids and so on so don't worry, we aren't that extreme.
In that scenario I mentioned above ^^^ there were so many other options that 14 year old could've chosen but because of her family's strong traditions, marriage was and always will be the only option. First off, she's pregnant: automatic forced marriage. The idea that she even had sex: forced marriage. And lastly, if he has money: there you go, another forced marriage. Now in this situation, she's a girl, so oppression plays a big role in this.
Oppression--defined as "prejudice and discrimination directed toward a group and perpetuated by the ideologies and practices of multiple social institutions". Now in our culture, woman are usually always the ones to be oppressed. They hold a reputation that if in any way acts against the ideologies of what is right and proper, they're targeted and discriminated. In the book TC, "controlling images (stereotypes) are dominant culture ideologies about subordinate groups that serve to restrict their options to constrain them" (80). So what I think this means is, that these "ideologies" that woman are suppose to uphold are so powerful that they control and restrict what a woman can or cannot do.
This is 100% accurate and sadly, I see it all the time with my married friends and family. A woman must ask for permission for anything (to go out, what job to take, what friends to hang out with etc.). They're given a price ($10,000 if she's absolutely perfect-$2,000 if she's either divorced, tainted, or not worth what they believe is the high price). Now you may ask where I'm getting these numbers from but that a whole other story. Moving on, as you can tell, the gender dynamics are not so equal as you may think.. And that's just some of it.
Wrapping up, what I will consider doing to engage in "every day activism" is to inform girls in the Hmong community about other options that they have besides marriage. That it's okay to be independent, strong, and powerful and go against traditions sometimes. It's okay to be single, have a child out of wedlock, and self support themselves without a man. I think that's why a lot of these traditions are still being practiced, because girls are not informed about their options.. and this leads to abuse, loveless marriages, and divorce.
It is interesting to see how culture plays a role in how different people experience things in their lives. I find it really sad that a 14 year old girl was pregnant and forced to marry at such a young age. Its strange how such a practice would be pretty much illegal in the United States. Everyone deserves a choice in life, and I definitely agree that this shows how women are oppressed. Lastly I agree that Hmong girls should be introduced to other options that we see a lot in the American culture. They can be happy in many other ways besides being forced a husband and family at a young age.
ReplyDeleteBeing Hmong American too, I agree with you 100%. I think that it also has to do with how traditional the family is which links to family pride/dignity. There are families that are now drifting away from these traditions and setting aside pride/dignity which makes them more open-minded which means less forced marriages.
ReplyDeleteOne of my close childhood friends left for Milwaukee to be married at the age of 16. She was paired with a young man around her age, and seems to be happily married. I think culture and traditions are so important, and it's sad to see them less while the American life influences a cultural change. Forced marriages though take away independence and many opportunity for women. I don't want to say it's taboo, or wrong, but it is a practice that appears that way in American culture. In these cases, are the marriages finalized legally with documentation, or do they celebrate and wait?
ReplyDeleteEverything you said resonates with me too. Don't get me wrong, I love our culture and people, but some of the traditions I don't agree with. Others are so quick to judge and pride is important, that there is little choice left but listen to your elders and do what they say. To answer your question Kaitlyn, in our culture it is legal but if you don't actually file it at the courthouse then no, in the American sense it is not legal.
ReplyDeleteThanks for sharing these examples of the gender norms that shape the lives of Hmong American girls and women. Do you see much frustration with these roles and other Hmong American women who advocate for change?
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