Being a parent consumes me. I don’t think there is such a
thing as unconditional love until you put a human life and all their needs
before yours-when you become second in your own life. I have felt degraded at
times when my age, educational level, employment, and financial stability has
been misunderstood by others. I often feel the need to clarify my
accomplishments as a parent, and as an adult to be taken seriously.
When applying for other jobs I felt that it needed to be
known that I worked my way up to lead positions, supervising status, running a
bar and restaurant with my own office even. But because I left my managing
position and worked for family video two years ago to focus more on my college
education, the employees and management there treated me like an uneducated
young mom with a limited future. Telling people that I lived in a full house,
was in a committed 8-year relationship with the father of my child, and pursuing
a college education did bring some benefits because in return my socioeconomic
class was perceived as more than just a young mom. My conversations would be
different with others who seen me as an adult, with a foundational home, stable
income, strong family dynamic, and pursuing higher education. Rather being
bossed around and left disconnected from the other employees, I began to be
treated more fairly, and as an employee with equal opportunity.
I have had so many comments for simply being with the father
of my child. I despised the question but was often asked, is he the father of
your daughter? The surprised actions made me mad, because it was automatically assumed
I was a single parent with a boyfriend, rather the possibility of two adults
raising their child. I don’t want to be looked at as a young mom relying on
government assistance to get by. Therefore, I swipe my debit bank card with
pride when I buy a cart full of groceries. To many misconceptions are made when
people implicitly or explicitly create identities for someone with little
knowledge at all about the person. I hear the phrase, “a picture is worth a
thousand words”, and immediately justify that it may take ten thousand to fully
understand the interrelationships that make up a person’s identity.
I come from a low working-class family, been forced into
adulthood at an early age to help manage raising my sister, and help my mom
through her bad habits. So, my past has had an enormous impact on who I am
today. The independence and seeking a more privileged perception and opportunities
is all a part of where I come from. I want to be a successful hardworking
mother, nothing less. I am not a product of my circumstances, I am a product of
my decisions.
You provide so many good examples of how intersectionality can play a role in people's lives. There are so many different things that have impacted who you are today and it is amazing to see what you have all accomplished! I definitely relate to the part of stereotyping in jobs. I work as a housekeeper in a hotel and a lot of people act like I have less potential because of that even though I have worked myself up to a high position in the department. Your post also demonstrates that people can overcome oppression and accomplish just as much, if not more, than those who are privileged. Lastly, I think your post does an extremely good job at pointing out instances when people are too quick to make assumptions and judgments!
ReplyDeleteThank you. I think a lot of people experience the same problem with lower paying job. It's so frustrating to not to be taken seriously as a hard working citizen contributing to society. In my managing position, training woman older than me was a cause for conflict in multiple cases. They didn't see me as an experienced authority figure. Yet it was me who needed to fix the computer problems, face upset customers, put in extra hours, do the schedule giving them requested days off, and pick up all the slack throughout daily shifts. I didn't work for family video for more than a few months. The manager called me less than 5 min before my shift to tell me he didnt need me at the moment but "possibly" later when he knew I just drove there from home 35 min away. When he called me an hour later he demanded I drive back for an hour and half shift before close and literally hung up the phone on me. The management there was rude, and treated me like a high school kid who didn't need the job. In my interview I was promised close full time hours after pointing that I was leaving a well paying managing position to relieve stress and focus more on collage. I was given less then 20hrs a week. All I know is, I would rather make less and enjoy what I do, than make more money and be miserable.
DeleteI find this extremely interesting, thank you for offering such a personal perspective. This sparked a question in my head as well -- what kind of things do you think a male in this position would experience? I'm curious to know how the different norms, privileges, and intersectionality could be an impact.
ReplyDeleteI think males experience similar oppression when parenting at a young age and not taken seriously at work or in public. Although, men have the benefit of growing a beard and passing as a young or middle-aged adult. Being degraded and misunderstood because of your age, work status/occupation, and appearance still affects men in society. I think it is safe to think that when my daughter's dad mentions me that he gets the same reaction, "your still with your baby mama, been together since you were 16?!" We all start off at the bottom in any line of work, and therefore understanding that even men are added to a company with perceptions of being the underdog.
ReplyDeleteThanks for sharing your perspectives and experiences. what about your position at work made folks treat you as less important, do you think? What I'm getting at is there something about certain kinds of work that folks associate with lower status? In what ways did certain privileges help you make the decisions to be successful in life?
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